TheDefiantDigit.com

Insult of the Day: 

You were the answer to a prayer. Your parents prayed that the world would be made to suffer and here you came along. You’re a habit I’d like to kick; with both feet!!

Joke of the Day: 

What is the hamburgers’ motto? If at first you don’t succeed, fry, fry again! 

Insult of the Day: 

Don’t you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?

Joke of the Day: 

Q: Which of the following doesn’t belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job? A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can’t beat a blow job. 

Insult of the Day: 

You say you are a West Pointer, but you look like an Irish Setter.

Joke of the Day: 

Well, a man was driving down a country road, and he decided to get out and get some fresh air. He got out, and started walking in a meadow. As he walked, he came upon a hole. Wanting to see how deep it was, he threw a pebble down. No sound. So he threw a medium-sized rock down. No sound. The man started to get frustrated, so he threw a boulder down. No sound. As he searched about, he spotted a railroad beam. He hauled it over to the hole, and shoved it in. No sound. He sat down on the ground, exhausted. Suddenly, he saw a goat running at him, full speed. He leaped up, and it brushed past him, and fell in the hole. He listened, but there was no sound. He sat down again. A few minutes later, a farmer came walking up. The man asked him, “How deep is this hole?” The farmer said, “Oh. Thats the bottomless pit. It never ends. Say, have you seen my prize goat?” The man, not wanting to g et the blame, said, “No.” The farmer said, “Oh well. He can’t get far. He was tied to a railroad beam.” 

Insult of the Day: 

Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.

Joke of the Day: 

Doctor, Doctor you’ve taken out my tonsils, my adenoids, my gall bladder, my varicose veins and my appendix, but I still don’t feel well. That’s quite enough out of you ! 

Insult of the Day: 

I heard you went to have your head examined but the doctors found nothing there.

Joke of the Day: 

Did you hear about the lawyer whose divorce ended up in a nasty custody fight about a dog? When the lawyer won, the dog bit him. 

Insult of the Day: 

Yo momma like a bus: Guys climb on and off her all day long.

Joke of the Day: 

Knock Knock Who’s there ! Ben Hur! Ben Hur who ? Ben Hur an hour - let me in! 

Insult of the Day: 

You’re about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder

Joke of the Day: 

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? “What kind of answer did you have in mind?” Two, one to change the light bulb and one to check that it was done within the given budget. 

Insult of the Day: 

We know that you would give your life for us. Promise!

Joke of the Day: 

I don’t know what it is that makes you stupid but whatever it is, it works. 

Insult of the Day: 

There are several people in this world that I find obnoxious and you are all of them.

Joke of the Day: 

A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, “Ketchup!” 

Insult of the Day: 

Yo momma so stinky she can knock a buzzard off a’ shit wagon!

Joke of the Day: 

Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup ! Yes, it’s the rotting meat that attracts them !